Table of contents for Don't tell me what to do, just send money : the essential parenting guide for the college years / Helen E. Johnson, Christine Schelhas-Miller.


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Contents
Acknowledgmentsxv
Introductionxvii
1. Letting Go, but Still Showing That You Care1
Laying the Groundwork for a New Kind of Relationship with Your Child
Becoming a Mentor: Adding a New Dimension to Your Parenting Role 2
Essential Skills for Mentors 3
Communicating Effectively 3
Listening 3
Closed and Open Questions 5
Why Questions-Communication Stoppers 8
"I"Statements-Beyond Blaming 9
Acting as a Mentor 9
Missing Home 10
Missing Home:The Replay 12
Choosing a Major 15
Changing Majors 17
Changing Majors:The Replay 19
Fall Trip 23
Academic Probation 24
Academic Probation:The Replay 26
Want to Know More? 30
2. Getting Them Off to College 32
Preparing Yourself and Your Child for the Transition
Before You Leave Home 32
Getting Organized 33
Helping Your Child Decide What to Bring 36
Electronic Equipment/Appliances/Furniture 36
Decorating the Room 36
Computers 37
Cars on Campus 37
Bicycles 37
Money 38
Initial Costs 38
Spending Money 38
Credit Cards/Checking Accounts 39
Health Insurance 40
Extras 40
Dealing with Special Needs 40
Planning to Stay in Touch 41
Phone Calls/Letters/E-mail, and Care Packages 41
Visiting Your Child 42
Orientation/Send-off Parties 43
The Dreaded Drop-off43
Saying Good-bye 43
Returning Home 45
Going It Alone 47
Want to Know More? 50
3. Roommates, Fraternity Parties, All-nighters, Changing
Majors, and Hanging Out51
Adjustment During the First Year
Adjustment Issues52
Staying in Touch 52
Academic Adjustment 56
Academic Adjustment:The Replay 58
Roommates and Residence Hall Living 60
Stress and Pressure 63
Making the Transition from High School and Home 65
Finding a Social Niche 67
The Freshman 10-Weight Issues 68
Greek Life 69
Time Management and Working on Campus 72
Sports/Athletics 74
Top Parent Concerns77
Staying Informed 77
Safety 78
Health 79
The Big Three:Drinking, Drugs, and Sex 82
Drinking 83
Drugs 85
Sexuality-Your Son 87
Sexuality-Your Daughter 89
Your Adjustment Issues91
Want to Know More?92
4. Is Your Child Confident, Confused, or Coasting?93
The Search for Identity and Autonomy
Identity94
Appearance 94
Friends 96
Opposites Attract 98
Intimate Relationships 99
Career Choices and Majors 101
Confident, Confused, or Coasting 102
An Identity Formation Model 103
Values/Lifestyle 105
Values/Religion 106
Values/Politics 109
Values/Character Issues 112
Special Identity Issues for College Women113
Confused and Unsure 113
AChilly Climate for Women 115
Having It All 116
Identity Issues for Ethnic and Racial Minority Students119
Exploring Racial Identity 119
Finding Comfort in a Shared Background 122
Interracial Dating 123
Identity Issues for Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Students126
Coming Out/Your Son 126
Coming Out/Your Son:The Replay 127
Coming Out/Your Daughter 130
Autonomy132
Parents' Weekend 133
Big Trouble 135
How Parenting Styles Relate to the Search for Identity and Autonomy138
Want to Know More?141
5. Just When You Get Used to the Empty Nest, They're Back!143
Coping with Continuing Changes in the Family
Your Family System143
The Empty Nest 144
The Lone Sibling 146
The Boomerang Effect 148
Single Parent 151
First Generation to Go to College 152
Other Family Changes154
A Family Move 154
Divorce 157
Death of a Grandparent 159
Religious Changes 161
Lifestyle Changes 163
Families That Resist Change165
The Inflexible Family 165
Want to Know More?169
6. What to Expect from the College/University170
Faculty Advising and Other Services for Students
The Academic Experience171
Faculty Advising 171
Professors vs. Teaching Assistants 173
Academic Difficulty 175
Grade Reporting and Transcripts 177
Life Outside of the Classroom180
Social Adjustment 180
Psychological Services 183
Residence Hall Staff 185
Legal Trouble 186
Additional Programs and Services on Campus188
Dean's Office 188
Dean of Students' Office 189
Bursar's Office 189
Financial Aid 190
Campus Security and Police 190
Student Employment Office 191
Learning Skills Centers and Writing Workshops 191
Career Services 191
Campus Crisis Services 192
Equal Opportunity Office 192
Computer Support Services 192
Campus Religious Organizations 193
Minority Students' Programs 193
International Students' Office 193
Study Abroad Programs 193
Off-Campus Housing Office 194
Athletics 194
Student Activities 194
Parents' Programs 195
How You Can Get Involved195
Parents' Programs 195
Alumni Clubs 195
Educational and Campus Vacations 196
Athletic Events 196
Career Services 196
Want to Know More?197
7. One Thousand Dollars a Week for a College Education198
Dealing with Money Issues and Understanding the Value of a College Education
Money Issues Beyond Tuition199
Renting an Apartment 200
Spring Break on a Credit Card 201
Fraternities, Sororities, and Social Clubs 203
Working Away from Home for the Summer 204
The Unpaid Summer Internship 206
Study Abroad 208
ACar onCampus-Luxury or Necessity? 210
Change in FamilyIncome 212
The Value of a College Education214
Living a Life and Earning a Living 214
Majoring in Underemployment 215
Want to Know More?218
8. So, YOUAlways Wanted to Be a Doctor219
Career Expectations, Academic Choices, and the Value of Practical Experience
Your Expectations and Your Child's Choices219
How Majors Relate to Careers220
Changing from Engineering to Liberal Arts 221
The Importance of Practical Experience 225
Evolving Career Goals227
Choosing Teaching Instead of Premed 228
You Want Your Child to Be a Doctor or Lawyer 232
The Value of Internships233
Internships Can Help Focus Career Goals 233
Job Security236
The Aspiring Actress-Parent to Parent 236
What Is Job Security Today?-Parent to Parent 239
Want to Know More?241
9. When to Worry, When to Act242
Dealing with Problems and Crises and Knowing the Difference
How Can You Know What's Going On?242
Normal Developmental Struggles243
Breaking Up 243
Stress 245
Serious Problems247
Depression 248
Manic Depression 252
Sexual Harassment 254
Eating Disorders 258
Illness 261
Loss and Grief 262
Other Problem Areas 264
Dealing with Crises264
Suicide 264
Rape 267
Alcohol Abuse 270
Drug Abuse 272
Violence/Crime 274
Pregnancy 276
How to Obtain Help from the College if There's a Problem or Crisis278
Want to Know More?280
10. If They Leave College, Will They Ever Get Back on Track?282
The Challenges and Benefits of Taking Time Off
Being Asked to Leave283
Flunking Out 283
ALeave with a Silver Lining 286
Choosing to Leave288
Dropping Out 288
College Seems Meaningless 290
Transferring to Another College 292
Taking Time Off 293
Dropping Out for Good 295
Want to Know More?297
11. Understanding Your Child's Postgraduate Choices298
Graduate School or Job?
Graduate School-Now or Later?299
Fear of Job Hunting 300
Delaying the Decision 302
What Graduate Program Would Be Best? 304
Graduate Business School 306
Ph.D. in Science 308
Applying to Law School 310
Medical School 314
The First Job-and the Floundering Period-After College316
Clueless and Confused 316
Following Your Heart 319
Career Confident 321
Working Abroad 323
Your Son, the Banker 324
Making Sense of Getting That First Job-Parent to Parent 326
Life in the Big City After a Trip to Europe 329
The Uncertain Future-Parent to Parent 332
Want to Know More? 334
About the Authors 335


Library of Congress subject headings for this publication: College students United States Psychology, Parenting United States