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CONTENTS PREFACE EXCERPTS FROM THE PREFACE TO THE 1999 EDITION EXCERPTS FROM THE INTRODUCTION TO THE 1990 EDITION EXCERPTS FROM THE INTRODUCTION TO THE 1986 EDITION 1. Being Versus Loving: The Core Conflict 2. Why Look Back? 3. Becoming One: The Basis for Loving The Attachment Process and the Capacity to Love Stability of the Caretaking Environment Mothering and Attachment The Unsatisfactory Symbiosis The False Self The Conflict Begins 4. Becoming Two: The Basis for Being How Parents Can Help (or Hinder) 5. The Power Pivot You Are My Right Hand You Are a Reflection of Me Give Me Your Power The Role of Parents 6. Needing Ain't Loving I Need You to Convince Me That I Exist I Need You to Tell Me Who I Am I Need You to Keep Me from Feeling Lost I Need You to Make Me Perfect I Need You to Make Me Feel Good about Being Me I Need You to Measure Me Against Hostile Dependency: The Compromise That Doesn't Work 7. The Best of All Possible Worlds: Being Me and Loving You Becoming Whole Being Alone without Being Lonely Being Me and Loving You 8. Being and Loving in an Imperfect World 9. The Developmental Tasks of Childhood and Adolescence and the Consolidation of Being and Loving 10 How Is It with You? What You Can Do for Yourself: Taking Inventory How to Find Your Self I Am a Person Who_______________ Owning the Disowned Discovering Your Experiencing Self Your Bodily Self Listening to Your Self Putting It All Together When to Seek Help 11. Can Therapy Help? Why with a Therapist? But on the Other Hand... Choosing a Therapist Therapeutic Goals and Styles Insight or Understanding Group Therapy? Male or Female? Problems of Being and Loving in Therapy APPENDIX Not for Parents Only Stages of Parenting Parents Are People Too Reciprocity - for Better or for Worse Is Perfect Parenting Possible? Parenting in an Imperfect World The Working Mother REFERENCES
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