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Table of Contents Introduction 1. Chapter One: Rejection ? Fun with Rejection and Toilet Paper ? Our Favorite Rejection Haikus ? Form Responses to Your Rejection Letters ? CPR for the Wounded Ego ? Wallowing: Choose your Method ? The Humiliation Hall of Fame ? What, Me Self-Publish? ? Dic-Lit ? More Famous Serial Killer Artists ? The Last Resort Venue ? How to Feign Happiness at the Success of your Brethren 2. Chapter Two: The Truth About Critiques ? Artistic Education ? Who's in your Critique? ? Passive-Aggressive Strategies to Get Even ? On Becoming Reviewable ? The Review ? Fight! Fight! Artist-Critic Brawls ? Critic Types ? A Friend's Guide to Helping You Through a Bad Review ? The Top Ten Slam ? Mad Lib Review 3. Chapter Three: Day Jobs ? Show Me the Money ? The Creative Resume ? Bummer Day Job Match Up ? Art Slob Redux ? Not that You're a Slacker, But... ? Bringin' Home the Bacon ? Cashing In: Get Rich Quick Schemes ? Skimp on Supplies: Your Body is Your Art 4. Chapter Four: Artistic Dwellings ? The Ten Most Depressing or Romantic Artistic Dwellings ? Contemporary Housing Forecast ? This Old Nest ? Decorating Style ? Rainy Day Craft Projects for the Artistic Dweller ? Hey, I've Got a Great Idea! A Brief History of the Art Colony ? The Exiles 5. Chapter Five: Artistic Style ? Short Dudes, Ugly Dudes, and Scary Looking Women ? The Eight Artistic Bloodlines ? The Artist as Social Animal ? Not the Rachmaninov! Becoming Undone ? Path the Absinth ? Party Tricks ? Artistic Fashion ? A Brief History of the Beret 6. Chapter Six: Artistic Relationships ? The Right-Left Continuum ? The Five Best Artistic Pairings ? The Five Worst Artistic Pairings ? Love Paradigms ? Stages of Aspiration ? Benefactors, Their Care and Feeding ? Artists and their Mothers ? Sex and the Artistic Guy ? Sex and the Artistic Gal ? Big Fat Artist Turn-Offs 7. Chapter Seven: Ending It All ? Track Record Not So Good ? Wired Wrong ? Cold Feet ? The Upside ? Ten Good Reasons to Keep Your Head Out of the Oven ? Most Notorious Artistic Suicides ? Most Embarrassing Deaths ? Most Dramatic Exits ? Fatal Plays ? Suicide Notes to Remember ? How Poor Were They? ? Preparing for Immortality ? Last Words End Notes
Library of Congress Subject Headings for this publication:
Authorship -- Humor.
Art -- Humor.