Sample text for Oops! / by Alan Katz ; illustrated by Edward Koren.


Bibliographic record and links to related information available from the Library of Congress catalog


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Whoosh!

The wind is blowing

quite a breeze.

The wind is blowing

on my knees.

The wind is blowing

Real-Life Soap Opera

My sister was fascinated

by the underwater scene.

She asked, "When did we get a round TV?"

I said, "You're watching the washing

Don't Look for Him on the Web

Little Miss Muffet

got scared on her tuffet

while eating her curds and her whey.

But little Miss Snider

just sat on the spider

and snarfed on Miss Muffet's buffet.

Foul Bawl

The score was tied.

Dave passed the ball.

I squeezed it with both hands.

I dribbled and then

shot it high.

A great hush filled the stands.

The ball went in!

Man, what a toss!

The whole team blew a gasket!

A perfect shot,

except that it

was our opponent's basket!

Two weeks went by.

Another game.

This time I stole the ball.

My hands were tense.

My chance had come

for glory after all.

I threw it hard.

I threw it fast.

As fast as it could get.

It wasn't blocked!

And yes, it rocketed

right through the net!

The crowd was mad.

The coach got sore

and sent me to my locker.

That throw was great,

he did admit --

but we were playing soccer!

This morning there's another game.

We'll win it in a rout.

It's baseball, and the coach said I

will surely play "left out"!

Don't Be 10-se

1-derful

2 see you!

Glad you could come

4 dinner!

But sorry,

we

already 8!

Crash Diet

My mom drove us for fast food,

and the guy there had a cow!

The place didn't have

a drive-thru.

Thanks to Mom,

they

sure

do

now.

Bitter for Critters

Hey, can we get a dog?

Can we get a cat?

Can we get a frog?

Can we get a bat?

Why, even for a teeny mouse

I've cried and begged and blubbered.

The only pets in this whole house

are the ants inside the cupboard!

Did He Take a MacBath?

When Shakespeare was a little boy,

his parents thought him smart.

For every day he gave them joy

through wisdom he'd impart.

Such as the time he faced the bowl

and spoke a great decree.

He uttered from his wondrous soul,

"To pee or not to pee."

His Royal Sloppiness

I am the prince

of fingerprints.

Each thing I touch,

I smudge.

I got ink on

the windowsill.

And on the lamp?

That's fudge.

There's mud on

every doorknob

and paint marks

down the hall.

But don't blame me --

I've no idea

The Penmanship has Sailed

My handwriting's really lousy,

and my b's all look like d's.

I never close my o's enough,

though often close my c's.

My s's are like 5's, and so

my teacher's lost her cool.

Today we're gonna work on this

when I stay after school.

The Lollipop

Lick lick lick lick lick.

Lick lick lick lick lick lick.

Lick lick lick.

Lick lick lick.

Lick lick lick lick.

Lick lick lick lick.

Lick lick lick.

Lick lick.

Lick.

Stick!

He Even Has Super-Vision!

I'm sitting in the

principal's office.

But it's not scary,

it's cool.

Because, you see,

I'm the principal

and I run this whole school.

No Eggs-aggeration!

I'm writing a love song

to eggs.

They don't have eyes,

they don't have legs.

They cannot sing,

they cannot dance.

You cannot keep them

in your pants.

But they're my friends,

is what I've rambled.

I love them so...

especially scrambled!

Show and Smell

I stuffed my lunch

in my race car --

salami and some soda.

It used to be a Chevy,

but it now is a

Toy-odor.

Hair? Where?

Dad says, "You're giving me gray hair!"

At my behavior

he's often appalled.

But I don't see much

gray hair way up there...

looks more like I'm making him

bald!

Me

I have superpowers.

I can see through walls.

I can jump fifty feet into the air

when emergency duty calls.

I can swim the English Channel

and scale Mount Everest in an hour or two.

I can save the world with a wave of my hand.

But first...

would you please tie my shoe?

Brotherly Love

I hated liver,

I hated peas,

I hated Baby Mike.

He ate my liver

and then my peas.

So now dumb Mike I like.

Tight Squeeze

Today I made a big mistake,

and I feel like a boob.

My sister asked, "How do they get

the toothpaste in the tube?"

Well, being a good sister,

I showed her.

After all, she is five (I am ten).

But she squeezed it so much

that I now need to know --

how to get the toothpaste in

Text copyright © 2008 by Alan Katz

Illustrations copyright © 2008 by Edward Koren


Library of Congress subject headings for this publication:
Children's poetry, American.
Humorous poetry, American.